Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
