Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
