PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
