Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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