Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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