hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Farmville is her only friend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize