DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to make out with him forever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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