I got chris browned last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
