The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize