Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
