I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
