Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
