Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize