I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
