Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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