I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
