i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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