ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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