cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
