then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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