Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
