Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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