We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
