I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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