i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
