Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
