I'm really into asian looking animals
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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