he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
