I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want her autograph on my taint
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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