just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
