Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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