Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
