If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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