We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
