I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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