He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
