My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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