did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
