Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
