You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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