Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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