I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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