Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
