Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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