dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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