I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
