mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
