absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
