I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
