im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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