This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
