i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my being single is dangerous.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
