DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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