...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
