I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
