just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
