i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
