i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
