We won't sleep together?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize