apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
