there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
