I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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