My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize