I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize