It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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