please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
