Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
