btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
