Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
