Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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