I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
