Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
a search helicopter?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize