No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
