so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
