I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
