I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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