it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
