I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize