I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
