There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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