Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
