Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just forgot I was standing up.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
