You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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