dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
a search helicopter?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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