you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
