just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
