You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize