I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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