Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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