Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
