When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
