I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
