Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
