day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
